Citizen GreyAcumen wrote to the City 17 Times’ offices this week to remind us that choosing TV shows to watch is difficult without knowing what is on and when!

So this week we present our TV GUIDE:

---

In shock news today we hear that Brad Pitt has been dumped by Angelina Jolie, but the news doesn’t stop there, oh no!

Apparently Angelina has been having an affair behind Brad’s well oiled and muscular back, with none other than City 17’s incredible Dr. Breen.

---

When patrolling through the streets of our beautiful city, I often hear the mumbling and grumbling of ungrateful citizens. The most common question I hear is “What have the Combine ever done for us?”. I can’t help but think back to our decadent days and ways and the first thing that springs to mind is Monty Python’s scene from the Life of Brian.

So, let’s take a moment a think about what the Universal Union have done for us.

---

In a shock development, City 17 Times recieved word from Dr. Breen’s office, via a weekly audio broadcast, that the quality of the headlines of this newspaper weren’t funny enough. As the wave of depression swept through both rooms of our extensive offices, reporters could be seen jumping from the windows in a futile attempt to rid themselves of the shame.

---

YES! That’s right City 17 Idol is coming. We’ve all heard the rumours, we all heard the gossip about “other” cities getting their “idol” first and we’ve all know it was false. Well, that’s all about to change.

Details are slowly emerging and it seems that the city will be split into four sections for the preliminary auditions: North, South, East and West. Of course, West won’t have many people to choose from since the explosion in the sub-station and the medical services say that even though most of the few remaining survivors got a serious dose of radiation, the long term effects are quite minor.

---

The City 17 Times is a weekly newspaper produced for the citizens of City 17. It is written from the perspective of real people from within the game. The style will be a serious local newspaper, with a hint of “over-the-topness” and a touch of cliché, so don’t believe everything you read!

The idea has been shamelessly stolen from the First Person Observer, a site ” dedicated to providing you with non-stop, around-the-clock coverage of breaking news from inside the games you play and love.”

---

Celebrity Chef Jamie Oliver has chosen or been chosen to relocate to our very own City 17. So let’s give him a warm welcome.

Taking a break from his School Dinners campaign, especially since that there are no children around, Jamie has decided that he wants to focus on improving the quality of food distributed via the Food Dispensers found throughout the city.

---

The City 17 Times has received reports that Dr. Kleiner and a small group of resistance commanders have left the city on what has been described by one Resistance member as “A bold move”.

Apparently Dr. Kleiner and his team have gone to met Cesar Millan, a renowned Dog trainer. You may know him as the Dog Whisperer.

---